Eternal Flame
by starielle
Summary: All his life, Sora has been counting kisses. Each one means something different, but one thing is always the same. Riku. Riku/Sora


_Disclaimer__: I don't own. You don't sue. Do we understand each other?_

_**-xox-**_

The first time Riku kisses him, it's an experiment.

They're both young, maybe eight, and they're starting to really notice this kissing business. Parents and neighbours and teachers and shopkeepers… they all do it. And Sora doesn't understand why.

Riku, of course, does.

He's asked Selphie, and Selphie knows _everything_ about this because she's read about it in her story books. Merrily she swings short legs as she explains that there's a prince and a princess and they have to kiss to break the evil witch's spell and live happily ever after. And sometimes there's a dragon, and the prince has to slay the dragon before he can kiss the princess, because otherwise he's not worthy and doesn't deserve to live the rest of his life in a castle with his beautiful bride.

Riku relays this to Sora much more simply.

"They do it because they want to stay together forever."

Sora registers this slowly. It still doesn't make much sense. What's so great about swapping spit with someone? Why don't they just share a paopu fruit? But if kissing really _does_ keep people together… well. There's only one person in the world that he wants to be with forever. So he poses the question as innocent as can be, not even really sure of what he's asking.

"Should we try it?"

And Riku stares hard at him, quirking silver eyebrows drawn in thought. Sora's overwhelmed with a sudden sense of panic, because what if Riku doesn't _want_ for them to be together forever? In his eight-year-old mind he can't imagine _anything_ worse than a life without his best friend.

But he shouldn't have worried.

"Okay. But we have to do it right."

So with utmost seriousness, Riku moves to sit directly in front of Sora. Sapphire gaze meets emerald, and as if it's programmed into them, they both lean forward. Their lips barely brush - it's a soft, chaste first kiss for the both of them - and then Riku pulls back.

Later, Riku says flippantly that he doesn't see what the big deal is. Sora stays quiet, but he thinks that maybe he does.

_-xox-_

The second time Riku kisses him, it's in relief.

It's a year before everything, and Riku's antsy for adventure. He gets the idea that maybe if they swim far enough, they'll find another world. Another island, another _anything_. Something different and exciting, because that's what Riku's always wanted.

Sora knows that he's not as strong a swimmer as Riku. And he knows that the sea gets very rough very fast. But all the same, when Riku wades out into the depths, he can't help but follow.

They're fighting against waves that want to drag them back to shore and the water's getting deeper and deeper and Sora's limbs are starting to feel like lead. He's finding it hard to breathe. Wave after wave crashes on him and he's struggling and he wants to go back but he _can't_ and the island's so far away anyway. He has no energy left and he thinks that maybe he should stop for just a second.

And then everything goes black.

The next thing he knows, he's back on the shore. Ice cold to the bone, he can hardly even feel the warm sand tickling at his bare skin. He's not able to open his eyes just yet, but through the fuzzy darkness he can hear someone saying his name. Over and over again, like a broken record.

Or maybe they're saying "sorry". He's not quite sure.

When he finally cracks an eyelid, Riku fills his vision. His silver-blue hair is wild and he's dripping and breathing hard, but Sora can only notice his eyes. They're endless aqua and shooting fear like electricity.

"Oh God, oh God, Sora, you're alright!"

His voice is weak and trembling and terrified, and Sora's never heard Riku sound like that before. But he barely has time to register it before Riku's grabbing his face in his hands and planting his lips on Sora's own. It's loose and messy and lasts only a few seconds, because then Riku's off and running down the beach to get their towels.

And as he goes, Sora's left with a hammering heart and a breathlessness that has nothing to do with the water in his lungs.

_-xox-_

The third time Riku kisses him, it's a threat.

Sora lands on the pirate ship in Neverland. He's lost Donald and Goofy and just for a fleeting instant he's overcome with a terrible, all-consuming loneliness. Riku's immersed in the darkness and he has no idea where Kairi could be and now Donald and Goofy are gone too.

But then a voice cuts across the silence; a voice so wonderfully familiar that Sora's heart almost stops with joy. Until he remembers their more recent history.

"I didn't think you'd come, Sora."

Riku's here. _Riku._ But they're on different sides now. And Sora tries to tell himself that he doesn't care. He doesn't, he _doesn't_. This is Riku's fault. Riku chose the darkness and that was _his_ stupid mistake. But Sora can't deny the pulling ache in his chest, and the flutter in his stomach at even the slightest glimmer of that tainted silver hair.

Cold silence surrounds them and Sora wishes he could just escape, and he feels very small when he has to ask for Donald and Goofy. And Riku just glares at him, his voice like ice when he replies.

"Are they that important to you? More important than old friends? Instead of worrying about them, you should be asking about her."

He's referring to Kairi, of course. But Sora gets the distinct impression that he means to say, _"You should be asking about me."_

And on that note, the older boy moves forward like a panther striking. He shoves Sora _hard,_ and Sora stumbles, crashes into the wall. He doesn't know what's happening. He braces himself, expecting Riku to hit him because who needs Keyblades when you have fists and anger and darkness? But then Riku's lips crush on his, and it's almost as brutal. The kiss is hard and harsh and demanding, and it's a battle Sora loses in only seconds.

Sora's out of his depth and Riku's hand is pulling in his hair until he cries out in pain. Smirking lips leave his mouth and find the soft skin of his neck. Teeth dig in and Sora thinks he _must_ be breaking the skin because it _hurts_.

And then, without a word, Riku's gone again. And Sora's left with only the lingering taste of something he can't quite place. It's not cold - far from it - and it's not malicious or malevolent. It's angry and sad and burning and confused.

It's almost like betrayal.

_-xox-_

The fourth time Riku kisses him, it's only a dream.

They're on the Gummi Ship, shuttling between worlds. Goofy is steering instead of Donald, and that means that Sora can go to sleep without worrying about crashing into an asteroid belt. Or a whale.

And really, given how much Sora thinks about Riku when awake, it should be no surprise that it's the same in his dreams. Every waking hour he's wondering. Speculating. Is he safe? If he's out of the darkness, where _is_ he? Which of these worlds? What was he doing while Sora was asleep? Will Sora _ever_ find him?

He squashes that question down very firmly. Of course he'll find him. Because he won't stop looking until he does.

These are innocent, worried thoughts that any friend would have. The dream is a bit different.

Riku's lips start on his neck, feather soft against his Adam's apple. They slide around to find his pulse, shifting millimetres to find the sensitive skin just beneath his ear. Sora gasps, and he can _feel_ Riku grin, even if he can't see it. And then Riku moves until he's directly above Sora, glowing silver and white and turquoise. Finally he brings his lips to Sora's, teasing and warm and silky soft, and Sora's helpless beneath them.

And just as Riku's starting to head lower, there's the distinct sound of intruding voices and knuckles against a door. Sora tosses heatedly, wanting Riku to tell them exactly where to go. He gazes down and, to his dismay, Riku's form is starting to shimmer. In fact, the whole world is growing hazy. In only two blinks it's gone completely, replaced with the tragically bare ship hold that a thin cot makes his bedroom, and the disappointment burning hot and fast inside him.

"Gotta get up, Sora!" calls Donald in that rasping voice, words followed with another round of vigorous knocking. "Chip and Dale have found something!"

Sora lies back for a second, cursing Donald for waking him and cursing Chip and Dale for finding something and cursing Goofy too, just for good measure.

Then he kicks off the blankets and stands, finding that that puberty really _did_ set in while he was asleep.

_-xox-_

The fifth time Riku kisses him, something's different.

They're alone on a dimly lit beach, and Sora distantly registers that under other circumstances, it could be incredibly romantic. But in reality it's just dark and cold and they don't know how or even if they're ever going to get home.

There's a silence that surrounds them, and while it's not uncomfortable, Sora wishes he knew how to break it. There's so much he wants - _needs_ - to say.

How he searched. How everything he did was for Riku. And all the dreams and the stress and _why_ he cried when they were reunited. The words stumble and fumble as they fight for first place and Sora doesn't know where to begin. There's too much and it's too complicated and he just wishes that there was an easier way!

But he forgets that Riku knows everything.

And then Riku's hand is on his cheek. It's gentle, almost timid as it traces his cheekbone and down the side of his face. Sora can only half swallow a whimper. He notes that Riku's hands aren't soft like they used to be. Like his own, they're scarred with memories of past battles.

Like his own. They go together.

Riku dips his head, until his lips are only millimetres from Sora's. And then he hesitates. They're so close, but that final void is infinite. And Riku's still uncertain; not sure if they'll fit together after all this time. After all that's happened, does he deserve it?

An impatient whine bubbles at the back of Sora's throat and his eyes plead for Riku's.

_All is forgiven. This is where you belong._

And Riku can read him like always and finally he closes the last gap. And even though Sora's been carefully keeping count all his life, this kiss still feels like their first. This kiss feels like a beginning.

It's sweet and slow, as if they have all the time in the world. And maybe they do. Who'll disturb them here?

A hand slides around to comb softly through the hair at the back of Sora's neck and a tongue skims across his own. And Sora can feel himself falling. Getting lost in Riku. His fingers curl in the front of Riku's shirt - something to cling to, to prevent himself from drowning.

Sora doesn't know how long they're there for. Minutes? Hours? Several days, even? He'd be quite content to stay there forever. When they do pull apart they're both wet to the waist from the dark waves, and there's itchy salty sand niggling into their clothing, but Sora doesn't think he's ever been this comfortable. And neither is quite sure what to do next. What's meant to happen after the happy ending?

There are three words bouncing around in the air between them, but Sora doesn't know how to say them. When Riku smiles shyly at him he doesn't think he knows how to do anything. But in the end, he doesn't have to.

Because those three words in his heart shimmer into light. And the door opens.

_-xox-_

Now they're home, and they're together, and when Riku kisses him Sora doesn't have to count anymore.


End file.
